The Quotes List

"Not all brown things taste like chocolate."

Fri, 04 May 2012 16:57:23 +0100

“Not all brown things taste like chocolate.”

"That’s the best thing about being British. Somehow we Brits manage to eat scones and drink tea while..."

Fri, 04 May 2012 16:56:25 +0100

“That’s the best thing about being British. Somehow we Brits manage to eat scones and drink tea while doing practically everything else!”

- My ten year old brother already knows what it means to be British. (via kyriankreep)

"Help, I cut myself on a tomato!"

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 19:05:16 +0000

“Help, I cut myself on a tomato!”

"Precisely how many pictures of a man do you need to have in your possession before you are..."

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 22:34:04 +0000

“Precisely how many pictures of a man do you need to have in your possession before you are officially stalking him?”

"I vote we should all eat rapists."

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:44:57 +0000

“I vote we should all eat rapists.”

"I do love a bit of sauteed cannibals…"

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:40:58 +0000

“I do love a bit of sauteed cannibals…”

"How can someone want that much Hitler on toast?"

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:39:33 +0000

“How can someone want that much Hitler on toast?”

"Bugger me sideways with a watermelon!"

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:33:20 +0000

“Bugger me sideways with a watermelon!”

Person One: What the- what is that?

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:11:49 +0000

Person One: What the- what is that?
Person Two: It's my happy face!
Person One: It's not happy. It looks like you want to kill me.
Person Two: Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking about killing you, that makes me happy.

"I am going to be kayaking around a half-erect penis!"

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:03:36 +0000

“I am going to be kayaking around a half-erect penis!”

When Blondes Have Technology

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:31:00 +0000

Person 1: The moon looks so beautiful! I'm going to take a picture of it.
Person 2: I don't think it'll look quite the same on your camera, it'll be tiny
Person 1: Don't worry, I'll just zoom in!

"I swear skin-coloured fabric exists just to confuse me. I walk down the street and there are all..."

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:44:00 +0000

“I swear skin-coloured fabric exists just to confuse me. I walk down the street and there are all these girls looking like naked Barbie dolls. It’s creepy!”

"Have you ever imagined what your head would look like if it was a cat?"

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 19:38:00 +0000

“Have you ever imagined what your head would look like if it was a cat?”

"What part of ‘I just shot you in the face’ do you not understand?!"

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:39:00 +0000

““What part of ‘I just shot you in the face’ do you not understand?!””

"You know a play is going to be interesting when the props list contains ‘children’"

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:08:00 +0000

“You know a play is going to be interesting when the props list contains ‘children’”

"On a scale of ‘man flu’ to ‘about to die’, how ill are you right now?"

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:01:00 +0000

“On a scale of ‘man flu’ to ‘about to die’, how ill are you right now?”

"That would have been awesome if I had survived it."

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 23:22:00 +0000

““That would have been awesome if I had survived it.””

"Miss, how do you make a hormone?"

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:01:00 +0000

“Miss, how do you make a hormone?”

Jeremy the Donut

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 14:24:05 +0000

Person 1: "Don't you dare give my donut a name. Or a house. Or googly eyes."
Person 2: "Too late, his name was Jeremy and you just killed him! After all he's been through..."
Person 3: "His father beat him. His mother was a raging alcoholic who never looked at him, just sat there dribbling wine down herself."
Person 4: "We were going to get married! How could you?!"

"He’s either rich or gay, there’s something interesting about him."

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 09:36:06 +0000

““He’s either rich or gay, there’s something interesting about him.””